Musings Of A Healing Heart

by - March 01, 2021

I met someone in Fall of 2019 that stirred a part of my soul I had never felt before.

Some call it soul mates. Some call it a Twin Flame connection.

I call it the most intense connection I've had yet in this lifetime.

There was this instant energetic connection and familiarity with him.

Someone I had known before is some other time and space, some other lifetime.

There was never dating or anything significant as far as commitment.

It was hanging out, hiking, cuddling, watching movies, lots of amazing conversations and of course some sex. (I mean we are all adults, so why not admit it) We even did a road trip together.

I remember the first time he came over. We literally just cuddled and talked for hours. Neither of us wanted it to end. It was truly like ‘home’ in so many ways.

I was aware of our past connection and soul ties. I had been shown them with my psychic abilities even to the extent that this was our 7th incarnation together.

I shared some things with him about what I was shown and others I didn’t.

I was scared about getting hurt but I opened my heart anyway. I opened it in a way I actually never had before because I had done so much inner work over the years.

I remember the first time I kissed him I could feel him put up energetic walls.

I knew he was scared too.

It was the chaser/runner dynamic with him. And I knew it wasn’t what I wanted. In my gut I knew he wasn’t going to open up and connect because he hadn’t done it with himself yet.

There were wounds he wasn’t open to healing.

I thought I could assist him with this but that doesn't work.

Each person needs to do their own inner work.

He is an amazing person. Full of so much knowledge and has a great sense of humor. And he cooks!

I fell in love with him. Every single part of him. Even with part of his family.

When I look back he didn’t meet my standards but I kept the connection anyway.

There was this old part of me and my old codependent ways that thought I could win him over but at the time I couldn’t see that was what I was trying to do.

It was that same part of me that only ever wanted acceptance and to be good enough to my Father.

He told me about this other woman he was seeing because he said she came into the picture around the same time as me but he didn’t want to have to pick between us.

At least he was honest about it all, I give him that much.

He ended up having this woman move in with him.

I had actually met her and she knew about me. He decided that he wanted to “keep exploring” things with me while he was with her.

I actually told him we could try it for a bit and see what happens but that typically for me it didn’t align with my values.

Then a couple weeks later I had a conversation with him.

I told him what my standards were and that I was no longer going to accept less.

I knew what it could mean by doing so but I was choosing myself or so I thought.

He came in once more a few months after this and I still wanted it all to work so much.

We decided to go away for the weekend which we had never done.

Then after that weekend away with him, something shifted.

I finally realized I wasn’t truly choosing myself.

I was fooling myself and constantly over giving to him and the connection.

I was not in my power.

Up until that point, I was too afraid of what I would lose if I chose me but I decided this time I didn’t give a fuck.

There has been no contact with him since June of last year.

He has made no attempts to contact me and I stopped reaching out because I finally chose ME.

And I will keep choosing me over anyone or anything.

My values and my standards matter more than anything will ever again and I will never sacrifice them ever again for another person!

I will always love him but I love myself more.

I made myself available for all of that that happened because I wasn't in my power.

Nothing about this situation was wrong. It was all beautiful. Even the months of heartache because in all of that I found a love within myself I hadn't been able to achieve.

I'm so grateful for ALL of it!

It's a whole new game now though. I wonder what fun amazing connections will find me in 2021?! I'm ready!

If you're ready to truly stop abandoning yourself in your relationship with yourself and with others apply here to work with me one on one! It's never too late to choose yourself!

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